Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes……. focus.
‘But who are they?’
‘The soul eaters! you have to focus, and get out of here’ (sleep slowly beckoned her to join him).
‘How long would you stay here?’ It asked again.
‘Don’t give in’
‘Why should I stay awake?’
‘Because you’ve been asleep for too long’ it replied
‘But I don’t want to sleep, I just can’t help it’,
‘They’ve got you chained’,
‘Who?’ she asked again,
‘The soul eaters’
‘I don’t know, I don’t know’
‘I really don’t know’
‘Think deeper, focus on the roots’, somehow she knew
‘I want more, I want to be more’
‘They came like a warm blanket, offering you solace at your acceptance’
‘But I never did, I never accepted them’
‘Neither did you reject them, you conversed with them for too long; they moved in’.
Sleep whispered soothing sounds to her ears and she fell.
Another day spent, lying in bed and drowning her thoughts in movies and meaningless chatter online.
She turned, it felt like someone spoke right behind her. She pondered on what this could mean and strangely, she realised that the voice was familiar.
Lying on her bed in utter darkness, her phone notified her that her battery was less than 10%, she needed it on but she couldn’t restrain herself from twitter and in less than five minutes, her battery was out. Alone, and with no distractions, thoughts began to run through her mind,
‘I’m alone, no friends, no one likes me, I try to be outgoing, friendly, could I be unconsciously warding them off or is it something else’, as she pondered, a deep emptiness like a hole in her heart began to drain the life out of her, and in a nanosecond, all she felt was,
‘I hate myself; i’m ugly, i’m useless, I ‘m…….’ She went on in self-hate until a little voice said
‘Maybe you should kill yourself!’ she was shocked at first but little by little, it began to convince her that that was the only way out,
‘No one would know, no one cares, you been home all week, not a single friend has called’, in that moment, she felt sure, so sure that death would stop the pain and avenge her at the same time, at least they’d be sorry.
‘Would it be worth it’ said the silent still voice
‘They’ve deserted me, everyone, they should pay!’
‘On the value of your life?’
There was no point in living, she always fell short and no one cared, she had to end it. Her chest was so heavy, she struggled to breath. She knew then, more than anything that her life was meaningless, she knew that death was her only escape.
I announce our marriage
She lived long enough with me, we became one
Her songs were melodies written to me
She danced to the rhythm I played
Don’t think I stole her away
She came willingly
I am the hated visitor
Yet most of you would rather live with me
Ask yourself again. Am I friend or foe?
The answer lies in your thoughts.